My Wake Up Story
Well it’s a long story short, but just like you - I was living my best life, or so it kinda felt. I had friends I loved, a husband I loved, two children I adored, and I really did get to do anything I wanted to do - it just turned out, I was really, very good at lying to myself… and my bet is, so are you
I have had many lives so far in these 40 little years of mine; moved from teaching English and Art in High Schools to starting my own fashion label, just as I dreamed - moved from Sydney inner West to living right by the sea and the mountains, just as I dreamed - Married a man who loves to make me laugh and dance, just as I dreamed - had two kids, a daughter and a son who are full of joy and play, just as I dreamed - and yet… something was missing, or better yet, someone…
Me!
You see, it took quite a while and I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but it turns out I didn’t have to - every question I thought I was asking was actually being asked of me - where the Hell are you Manal? You have the life you dreamed of and yet, I can’t quite feel you Here? Where are you running off to? What are you so afraid of? Are you ever going to Be Here to feel it all? You’re missing it !
And so, the Waking Up began - slowly, but surely, I began to feel all the ways I have been creating escape routes from my own life; My Own Perfect Life - a feeling I don’t know or like, see ya! A moment I don’t quite trust, I’m outta here!
Eventually, I couldn’t help but see how terrified I was to actually feel myself in my own life - and this was a huge shock for me, because as far as I was concerned, I was as brave as they come! I could do and feel anything - well, turns out that wasn’t quite true for me. I was curating the feelings and moments I was most comfortable with, setting a very specific temperature setting on my life and not allowing any other setting to exist. What this meant was that, I was living in such distrust of myself that everyone and everything around me had to bend and shapeshift just to keep me comfortable, because there was no way in Hell I was going to bend any other way.
That was until, I woke up - just enough - to be aware - just enough, that I was participating in my own drunken slumber. Now, I’m scared of many things it turns out, but the one thing I am definitely not scared of is myself. If I was the bad guy of my own life; the wicked witch who spiked my own apple to keep me asleep from my own Charming Life, the mirror’s skewered perception making me look ugly, the voices of all those I love laughing and mocking me - if that was all just me - well, I could take me on, and I would… and Lord Almighty did I!
And now, there really is very little that scares me. After meeting the scariest parts of myself, I have decided that I am not someone to fear, but simply someone to love -
From this shift in story, I really am living an entirely new life because you see, nothing actually threatens me except me. I have a very new relationship with myself, because I have met My True Self - and the one thing that My True Self will not tolerate, is any attempt to lie to myself about what I am and what I am not- and that has made every difference in the world about what it is I can actually do, be and feel - in fact, it is the only lie that has and will ever stop you from living in your very own Dreaming
If you want to make a short story long and follow my full journey, head over to the blog where I invite you into where all the magic happens - inside!
